Daymare

 

Today was one of those days that can make me go insane. Cough came back over the weekend and it coincided with projectile vomiting. Even reducing his solids intake couldn't prevent the spewing. Mondays are generally difficult because daycare doesn't do them, but maybe because he wasn't feeling too well today the fits were particularly challenging.

I had a breakdown toward the end of the workday and cried in front of him, which upset him even more. Calmed down and apologised and explained it wasn't his fault. He spewed this morning and spewed again in the afternoon and I had to give us both a bath. While I was cleaning up the vomit, I forgot that Morty was there and suddenly heard J wail - - he'd gone for it and got a swipe (I assume, called the vet to ask their opinion which was it wasn't a bite because there was only one hole, but yes we will keep observing, no worries) behind the ear. I washed it with soap and water, cuddles, etc.

Despite his cough and vomiting, J was still cheerful and energetic, and I still kept having to chase him around the house all day in between meetings and tasks. I marvel at his let's-do-it attitude, which I don't think he got from me. Russ denies it's from him, though he's the likelier candidate of us both. I'm relieved he doesn't take after my cautious self, even if it portends clashing with him in the future. I want him to be able to explore and pursue what he wants in life.

When Russ got home, I begged for a few chores so he could watch him a bit. But all the health issues and crying fits of the day had me caving into yet another breakdown, this time requiring a few minutes of sobbing in the bedroom. I just don't know what to fucking do all the time and I feel so unworthy of being his mum. By now, Russ understands that I can eventually compose myself (which I do) and he knows what to say to me (it's okay), thank heavens. A few more crying fits before and during dinner, and now J is sleeping soundly beside me, closed mouth and breathing through his nose despite his congestion, thank heavens.

Do we bring him to the GP, or Urgent Care since they're always booked up for weeks? Do I call Plunket to stumble through symptoms and feel like an idiot? Do we wait it out, not give him solids, just hope he can keep his milk down and stop coughing miraculously so that daycare this week is a possibility? I have no idea, but god he's beautiful, and we'll just keep trying our very, very, very best. Bahala na.