Living in sim

Maybe it's true that we're in a simulation. Even if people have explained it away with big data and algorithms, life still feels like we're living under odd rules we can't change peppered with the randomness of gods as reckless as pre-teens in front of a console anyway. Or perhaps it's confirmation bias, or whatever that thing is about seeing more instances of the thing that was top of mind for you.

I've been seeing more storylines in shows and art I consume talking about either miscarriage or pregnancy. In Love Season 2, a pregnant character gets a call after getting the NIPT and panics about what it means. Etc., etc.

I've calmed down after last week's outburst because nothing much has changed. The days go by in cycles of work and weekends, the latter spent at the beach or in the mountains. I had two funny wildlife encounters recently: the first was when I heard a feral pig oinking angrily in the bush while I was on a walk, and the second was a falcon dive bombing at me because I wore my reflective sunnies on top of my cap (it stopped once I flung my headgear onto the ground). Both times I ran for my life, as in "shitshitshitshitgodhelpmeiwanttoliioiove" legs-pumping ran, uphill. Hilarious! 

I would rather not have things repeatedly happen or shown to me, please. Let's take thing slowly and digest them properly.

I have been doing some SUP-ing lately, which has been giving me pockets of empowered serenity. There's a very tiny fear that sharks swim beneath, but I'm aware of how I magnify these things with my imagination.

I went for a walk with a friend the other day and went back to the track where I heard the feral pig. It was good to reclaim it again and spend some time getting to know her a little better as well. She told me about her experiences geocaching and we explored a deadend track where she had found a cache years ago, though we couldn't find it anymore. According to her app there was another cache on the way back and we decided to look for that one. I found it, but I had to climb a small tree to get over the fence at it. We found two suspicious "presents" inside, but she didn't have a pencil on her so she couldn't log it; she said she'd come back for it. Maybe I should (teehee).

I tried to get back to two unfinished artworks last night. I had the idea of sketching Edwina's face and other details with a pencil over the goauche background and outlines but when I tried erasing a detail, the white layer I had placed over previous mistakes rubbed off. I thought of setting that aside and using an ink pen to sketch details over a goauche background I'd started on a painting of our neighbourhood-- but then I realised there weren't enough colour details for me to draw over. For these projects, I have no other choice but to make time to add more detail with paint. I need to take them more seriously and commit to them.